I’m a very dependent person.
There, it finally came out of me. I usually find myself troubled with decision-making, particularly the big ones. I get panicked, stressed and worried like what most of my friends would say “hindi mapakali” (couldn’t calm down) or “akala mo buhay ang nakataya” (a matter of life and death). Yep! I’m quite exaggerated when faced with such a burdensome situation. It is because I have a deep fear of mistakes and regrets. I don’t want to be ditched in one. I claim to aim for the good things. Which is why, when my panic mode turns on and my mind and heart wouldn’t agree, I would often run into the comforts my family and friends. I think of the “what ifs?”, “how should I do it?”, or “can I really do this?”. I doubt my God-given capabilities (naks!). That was my number one mistake.
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
When I do make my decisions, my reaction would always be tied up with how good or bad the result is. Oftentimes, I sulk on a corner usually at my foulest mood when plans go a bit awry and when they’re good, well do I need to explain? Hehe. So much for the long “me” intro here folks, but in all honesty, I would like to give it a try to make my own decisions. My own, not caring whether if its gonna be good or bad. I always wanted to give it a try. Guess what? I just had one.
The problem was, not all found it agreeable. Some were so-so, others can’t take it and thankfully, there were supporters as well.
I believe most of you have encountered this kind of situation. Torn by duty and by what your passion is. I love to write & have dreamed of writing. When I first started for Fitlife, I was cracked up and nervous but it was all worth it when you see your first article published online *sighs*. My passion for writing was like gasoline being poured on fire. Ignited and inspired I started this blog. Then suddenly a cold water was thrown. A problem that would contradict my passion has arised. I thought of it, asked for help, prayed for it, consulted different people. Most were giving me a thumbs up to take up the cold water and only a few asked me of what I really want. It was bothering, because when I spoke up on what I chose. They reacted badly on my decision.
I felt hurt. Do I have no choice? No voice on the matter? Can I not decide for this? Without people contradicting me? I may or may not regret this. But can’t I face this on my own, as an adult? When everything was confusing, what kept ringing in me was BE WHO YOU ARE, DO WHAT YOU LOVE. You will only live once. Might as well be passionate about it. I prayed and finally ended with sticking up with my passion.
“If you’re doing something that you don’t enjoy and you don’t have the gratification of success, failure is particularly painful. But doing what you love is itself the reward.”
~Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project
I know it’s gonna be rough. Those who couldn’t accept my decision are probably scrutinizing my every move, but having at least one or two of those you love, to trust you, along with prayers is enough for me to strive FOR ME, FOR THEM & FOR MY GOD.
Merci beaucoup et á bientôt!